My Mum died last year in March, she had mixed dementia for around 5 years and naturally became increasingly confused. She remembered the names of our family members but anyone relatively new became nameless or dear. Her weight dropped and dropped over the years. Dad looked after her throughout her illness which was tough for him as they were both in their 80’s. Dad would say that “she is my responsibility, I married her and I’ll look after her”. Mum began to fall over indoors and Dad would call out the paramedics as he couldn’t manage to pick her up himself. The last time it happened she was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 8 days. I was with her when she died. We had no idea she had lung cancer, we put her weight loss down to the progression of Dementia and didn’t give anything else a thought.
Before she died she looked at Dad and told him she loved him, we all cried. We all thought that Dad would join her within a year, he had chronic lung disease and couldn’t walk that far even though he had pushed himself to the limit to look after Mum. He spent Christmas in hospital and wanted to end his life but with the help of antidepressants and lots of love, he pulled through until May when he was readmitted to hospital. I visited him over the weekend before he died and he was as bright as ever, telling jokes and taking the micky out of us all, above all, he was still the boss.
He died the following Tuesday of a Pulmonary embolus, he was 85. I was gutted as I didn’t expect it just yet, I knew it would be fairly soon but your never really prepared are you. I was 170 miles away when he died. My cousin was with him who he thought of as a daughter, that was a comfort but I cant help feeling a twinge of jealousy as it wasn’t me that was sitting with him. I miss them both so much, my two brothers miss them both so much, our wives are brilliant with their love and support as well as our children who are mostly adults themselves. I still go to pick up the phone to call Dad to see how he is but within seconds I realise that he is no longer there.
by Bob Leach
