Mum became ill when she was 39 years old, i remember my first awareness of this, we had had a lovely day shopping. she bought a gold coloured top to wear . She was so beautiful, We came home and she tried it on to show my Grandma. She was so happy, i was so happy -then she fainted. i was 8yrs old. I thought she had died, i hadnt seen anyone faint before. I ran to the kitchen , as my grandma called an ambulance , and prayed as hard as i could for her to be alive. The ambulance took her away. Mum came home and was in hospital many many times for the next two years. Nobody really wanted to talk about it . I didnt know what was wrong with her , just that she was in a lot of pain, and used to cry every time she saw me.
Mum was always in bed in the hospital. I missed her so much. i still miss her, just as much. Her name was Maria Nicolaou. She was so gentle and loving. She took such care with everything she did, so it was just right - my most treasured possessions are two aprons she made for me for school cookery classes, so beautifully made, with lace edging. When Mum died, everyone in the house was crying. My relatives came over from Cyprus. nobody told me what was happening, but i guessed Mum had died . Dad just sat and looked at the floor, unable to move for the whole night. i didnt want to believe it , so i just read my books and thought i was being silly. Then everyone went to Cyprus . Dad bought me a puppy , and left me with my sisters husbands family , who were lovely to me. But i knew Mum was dead , and nobody talked about it . I was 10 yrs old now. Dad came back , and when we got home asked me to go into my room with him . I knew what he was going to tell me. I didnt want to go up the stairs. I remember that walk up the stairs to this day. He said Mum was dead. It took me a very long time to accept i would not see her again. Its a terrible loss.
I am haunted by how she must have suffered , physically and emotionally -now that I am a mother , how she must have felt to leave us all behind. i am lucky to be alive . i want to live a life that she would be happy for me to live, so that she has a legacy. Mum worked for our family business, washing up at the back of the Wimpy bar - always helping everyone . i dress up every day and write complex documents and have ideas that people sometimes listen to. I work hard to help people . I hope Mum can see me , I didnt get a chance to say goodbye.
by Melanie Young
